Why We Watch Bad Movies: Nostalgia, Contempt, and Jerginsberfer

Why watch these horrible movies from the 80's?

There are two reasons. First is nostalgia. These movies are reflections of an earlier age, and are a vehicle back to a time when Hanj and myself were teenagers. They were good times for us and a fun emotional place to revisit.

Secondly, contempt.

In the first 30 years of my movie going life, I may have walked out on one or two movies total. In the last 10 years, I've walked out so often, that I now have to do serious research before buying a ticket to a stupid movie.

We walked out on Transformers in 2007. I thought it would be a fun action movie with cool new digital effects. When they began impaling people after a few minutes of this PG-13 movie, Jams and I stepped.

We walked out on the Hangover. This piece of dog s#!t may have made major loot cakes at the box office but I found it typical of modern comedy, obnoxious and cruel. Garbage.

I go to the movies to escape reality: war, hate and fear. I detest this moment in history and can't be "entertained" by anything that reflects it. 80's movies do not reflect current popular psychosis, fear and programming.

These movies exist in a world before 9-11. Before Columbine, Autism epidemics, decreased fertility rates, "global warming," the Patriot Act, Guantanimo Bay, GM Foods, endless invasion, Globalization, outsourcing, and historic economic fraud.

So in the face of Hollywood's pompous celebrating of itself and the complete garbage they spew on schedule, I reject it in favor of an earlier brand of trash. Modern garbage has 20 million dollar budgets, consciously makes no effort to do anything but repeat formula and is an absolute insult to human intelligence. These garbage movies from the 80's may have been crafted with little to no talent, but they weren't calculated business ventures so much as someone's attempt at telling a story, even a really, really mundane one about the trials and tribulations of winning the dance contest. As a result, they are simply better. They're watchable.

And finally, these movies have Kwaffle, Bongkoodie, or Jergensberfer. I needed a word to describe a characteristic all these movies share. Jergensberfer is the idea that Dolly Parton will teach Sylvester Stallone how to sing country western and he'll be a big hit in a rhinestone jacket. Jergensberfer is definitely an acquired taste that requires a well developed sense of humor, but once you have it, a world of delightful bad movies awaits.