Why watch these horrible movies from the 80's?There are two reasons. First is nostalgia. These movies are reflections of an earlier age, and are a vehicle back to a time when Jams and myself were teenagers. They were good times for us and a fun emotional place to revisit.
Secondly, contempt.
In the first 30 years of my movie going life, I may have walked out of one or two movies total. In the last 5 years, I've walked out so often, that I now have to do serious research before buying a ticket to a stupid movie.
We walked out on Transformers in 2007. I thought it would be a fun action movie with cool digital effects. When they began impaling people after a few minutes of this PG-13 movie, Honey Jams and I stepped.
I read non fiction to understand reality. When I watch a movie, I'm looking to escape reality. I detest this moment in history and can't be "entertained" by anything that reflects it. 80's movies do not reflect current popular psychosis, fear and social programming.
These movies exist in a world before 9-11. Before Columbine, Autism epidemics, decreased fertility rates or sterilization, "global warming," the Patriot Act, Guantanimo Bay, GM Foods, endless invasion, globalization's contrived promise of greater wealth (yeah, for who?), outsourcing, and historic economic fraud.
So in the face of Hollywood's endless celebrating of itself, and the complete garbage they spew on schedule, I reject it in favor of cinema trash of a better age. Modern movie barf uses 40 million dollar budgets, makes no effort to do anything but repeat formula and is an absolute insult to intelligence. In contrast, these movies from the 80's may have been crafted with little to no talent, but they weren't calculated, hollow business ventures
They're simply different animals.
The last reason to watch these ludicrous old movies from the 80's is Jergensberfer, that mysterious quality all of these unbelievably lame, and fantastic movies seem to have.
Jerginsberfer is pure ridiculousness, surrealism. An insistence or inability to avoid destroying "suspension of disbelief." There is no way to believe any of this! Sure the Fat Boys are this guys orderlies who save his life by taking him out to roller boogie! What a great idea for a plot. Yet, it's somehow more original than most of the stuff out in theaters today.
Jerginsberfer is The Van (1979) in which the entire appeal of the movie is based on the idea that we will be in awe of late 70's van culture, the ones that are lined with fur, have water beds, custom paint jobs of Malibu sunsets, with mirrored ceilings. It's a movie based entirely on the classic tasteless 70's sticker, "if this van's a rockin' don't come knockin'." How on Earth did this piece of celluloid trash get made? Thank god.
Jergensberfer is the idea that Dolly Parton will teach Sylvester Stallone how to sing country western and he'll be a big hit in a rhinestone jacket. Sylvester Stallone in a rhinestone jacket singing? The answer is yes!.
Jergensberfer is the insanity in casting Steve Guttenberg (Police Academy) as a "hot" young DJ/Producer who's discovered the hit new music act, The Village People. Not Jude Law or whoever is the heart throb of the moment, Steve Guttenberg!
Jergensberfer is putty. It fills in all the gaps that plausibility demands. It's like the raw material that all dreams are made of and they had to use plenty of it to make these stories... unsuccessfully. It's definitely an acquired taste that requires a well developed sense of humor, but once you have it, a world of delightful bad movies awaits.
