GORP (1980) Cinema Endurance: 25 minutes.
Well, my initial reaction to this total piece of gorilla sludge was the realization that "I love talentless imitation."
I have no idea when this was made, and I don't care, but to me, it was obviously doing everything it possible could to be Animal House in every scene, and never achieving that end once. Maybe it was a Meatballs rip off, I don't know.
Playing hockey in the kitchen with a charred-solid steak is not wild, and entertaining. This movie is a heavyweight in the world of punishing stink burgers.
If you are an intellectual, with both a dynamic sense of humor, and one who seeks refuge in the cinema of your own youth (the 80's, 70's) then like us, you'll stream this bucket of flying trash for free just to take the ride, but going the full distance may be impossible. It was for us.
We lasted maybe 25 minutes, before we couldn't take any more. A true crime against art, and we love it for that, and despise it even more for the same reason. It's un-finishable. It's like some huge novelty portion at the worst truckstop in the state, where you can eat for free if you can finish it, but you can't, because its the worst food you've ever eaten.
Fran Dresher, Dennis Quaid and some other dude you'll recognize contribute to this plotless,* pathetic work of excellence. See how long you can last. We got to the scene where Quaid is dressed as George Washington riding a horse in the dormitory trying to be crazy. That's what this movie is, trying to be "wild and crazy guys." Awesome. Horrifying. Impossible.
*It turns out that there actually was no plot. There was no script! They just told the actors to "chase the girls and act goofy." Wait. Now I like it more. If Bounty Hunter with Jennifer Aniston and whoever that Young-Mel Gibson Clone was had only not had a script...
Two For One Special! Watch Out!
WAITRESS! (1981) (pt. 1)
Having lasted only 25 minutes or so into GORP, we naturally needed another piece of unbelievable garbage d'excellance for our viewing pleasure.
"In this hilarious, sexy comedy, three luscious waitresses add a modicum of spice to an otherwise so-so eating establishment. But things really heat up when the café's chef gets drunk and his customers decide to follow his example!"
Who can resist a storyline that intriguing? A little spice to a so-so restaurant? And then the chef gets drunk? Oh my! A thriller on lithium.
I pressed play and started laughing warning Honey Jams, "this may be the worst one we've ever seen." Amazingly, it appeared to be a complete continuation of GORP. I have no idea which movie has more dropped/gross food gags.
But then, WAITRESS! proved itself legitimate, top notch garbage. Not only does it give the viewer some footage of New York's East Village circa 1980 (which immediately raises the value of grade D cinema) but it's actually got a real sense of humor. I laughed at least once before Jams fell asleep and I stopped it.
But, unlike GORP, which we will never finish or revisit, we'll definitely get back to Waitress! (the exclamation point is the mark of all great titles.) How much better would Star Wars have been, if it was Star Wars! War and Peace! The Old Testament!
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