Dean Cameron - Big Shot in the World of Bad Movies

We love Dean Cameron.

In Rockula (1990) he gave the world perhaps the all-time worst "honkey appropriation" of rap ever made.  The kind of thing that makes both MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice look like Rakim and Melle Mel.  There isn't a drug you can take, smoke, or snort that can produce the brand of tupperware surrealism like this rap performance in Rockula. (below)

In Miracle Beach (1992), Dean's hair steals the show.  And doesn't give it back.  The entire movie disappears into his all consuming, androgynous "bob" haircut.  Has anyone ever seen anything like that?  This gets him into the prestigious Hair Hall of Fame next to Dog the Bounty Hunter and Brian Bosworth.

But Dean Cameron wasn't done there.  He had more amazing to supply.  Ski School (1990) is easily the worst of all the 80s ski fad movies you cherish in your collection.  Where it's siblings Hot Dog: The Movie! and Ski Patrol managed to make it down the hill in one piece, Ski School falls off the chair lift.  In fact...

...it's the worst movie ever made.

The movie suffers problems I've never seen anywhere else.  Namely, incoherence.

Throughout the movie dialog is spoken that doesn't have anything to do with what we're watching.  Characters who haven't been established enter the action disorienting the viewers who have to stop to ask, who is she?  Watching this movie, you will swear you got up to go to the bathroom and missed something.  But you didn't.  It's just the magic of Ski School (1990).

Several Netflix reviewers suggest that the movie was shot without a plot and simply pieced together with scenes of naked women and beer guzzling thrown in to get the audience to forget it's own confusion.  Ski School is that bad!  How wonderful!

Originally Dean Eikleberry, Cameron can also boast of making appearances in A.L.F., television's single greatest moment.

A.L.F.

As is with all people who find themselves "stunned by the greatness" of Dean Cameron, we want more.  And there is more.  But some garbage is harder to exhume.  A resident at the bottom of the heap in the entertainment landfill, Dean Cameron's appearance in the TV sitcom version of  Fast Times at Ridgemont High may have fully decomposed down there never to be relished again.


If it does exist however, we'll be able to find it.  Fart Face has elite media dumpster divers Rickety Rockety and Hong Kong Knutsen on staff.  Rockety is a veteran media bloodhound.  And Hong Kong is one of the world's top 5 collector's of martial arts movies, an active VHS collector and contributor to super site Everything Is Terrible.  Dean Cameron as Jeff Spicoli!

Wherever Dean Cameron went, a legendary bad movie was sure to follow.  Thank you for your contribution to the spirit of making and enjoying the worst movies ever made.

- Fart Face

Fad: The Movie!

Cool As Ice (1991) The Bobby Brown hat.

Within the glorious tradition of awful, no budget movies from the 80's there is a sub genre that may be the single most embarrassing and awesome category of film ever made.

The fad movie.

Unlike other bad movies, fad movies are less the result of some fun ambition to make a movie with no money, skill or talent, and more the simple desire to profit on some pop culture trend, like rollerskating or whatever.

Greats among the fad genre include Rollerboogie (1979) starring Linda Blair.  This movie stone cold sucks.  Imagine how bad Linda Blair's career must have been for her to take a leading roll in this stinker.  This is what happens when you hire agents from a mental hospital.

The two people who like fad cinema agree, the more obscure, ridiculous the fad the more delicious the fad movie.  Paintball is one of those obscure fads and Gotcha! (1985) was made to get in on the paintball money train.  Gotcha! is the flat tire thriller based on the idea that being the best in a campus paintball game is proof of all the skill one needs to be an elusive international spy.  Sure.  I had a lobotomy.  This is possible.

Some trends inspire multiple fad movies.  Rollerboogie (1979) wasn't the only fad flick to go after roller skating money.  Xanadu (1980) is a musical on wheels.  Imagine a romantic ballad sung by two people rolling on roller skates.  Can you afford to live without watching this?

Saturday Night Fever is one of several disco fad movies, and one of many, many dance fad movies.  Does anyone remember the moment when "the Lambada" (the forbidden dance) was somehow a topic?  Unlike the "macarena" dance which I think actually existed, there is no actual "lambada" dance!  Lambada (1990) is a movie about a dance fad that they invented. And, there isn't actually a "lambada" dance in the entire movie.  Does it get better/stupider than that?  Of course.

Can't Stop the Music (1980) was one lucky producers last minute attempt to cash in on disco with the musical story of the Village People's rise to stardom starring Steve Guttenberg as New York City's hottest up and coming DJ and dance music producer, imagine that!  He actually dances in the movie.  Unfortunately for the producer, disco was entirely dead by the time the movie was released and is regarded as one of the single biggest busts in movie history.

Airborne (1993) Rollerblade fad movie

Other fad movie flops include the epically lame skateboarding movie Thrashin' (1986) in which fully padded skateboarders have gang fights on their skateboards!  Gladiator battles on skateboards remains integral to skateboarding's popularity and explains why skateboarders had no interest in this cheese buffet.

Breakin' (1984) and Beat Street (1984) may be the absolute most Jergensberfer flicks ever made.  While Breakin' is like breakdancing re-imagined by the producers of Barney and the Wiggles, Beat Street has even less of what made hip hop so impressive at the time.  How do you do that?  How do you make a movie about something as cool as hip hop and have it be THAT lame?

The producers of Cool As Ice (1991) starring Vanilla Ice know the answer to that question.  Cool As Ice was aimed at both Vanilla Ice dollars and the guido motorcycle fad.  Which brings us to another fad movie, the Fast And the Furious (2001) series.

Unlike traditional art of the last four thousand years in which the goal was to produce something that most people can relate to, fad movies pass that up to get in the pockets of very specific crowds.

Today, you don't see as many overt fad movies the way you did in the past, the way California van culture inspired the making of the best film ever made, The Van (1977).  Instead, today, you see that almost all the movies are fad movies of some kind.  Today they make movies based strictly on popularity.  Popular themes, actors, story lines, jokes are repeated over and over in movie after movie (see Martin Lawrence.) Whereas the old fad movies were laughable knock offs of things other than themselves like rollerskating and custom van culture, modern movies are all knock offs of themselves.

Ski Patrol (1990)

 It's December and cold.  There are couple cheese ball ski movies in our garbage que.  Since there is no way we're watching winter movies in the glorious heat of summer, might as well now.

This is a supremely stupid movie.  Loaded, oozing with Jergensberfer.

There's plenty of downhill action and everyone's wearing 80s fluorescent colored jackets and gear.  The heroes are a "wild" bunch of ski patrol weenies who have to save the resort from a preppy faction and a greedy developer.  Jaw dropping cheese.

But the show is stolen by this guy, and his act.  He's wearing masks on both sides of his face and turns his head and makes voices for both of them.  He's wild.  He's crazy.  He may be the first snowboarder in movie history.  It's Pauly Shore on the slopes, but infinitely more ludicrous, if that's imaginable.

Watch this now.

Disorderlies (1987) The Fat Boys

Well, this one started off so good I thought I had a classic bad movie, the kind you can actually show to your Mom, or family and entertain everyone without offending them with overt stupidity.

Almost.  If it had kept up with the subtle humor it had early in the movie, it would have been solid gold.  "This is Al, he's into drugs."  Crazy funny line.  But Jergensberfer wins out in the end on this for better and worse.

The movie redeems itself from the unbearable category by giving us the most preposterous (a quality sadly lacking in movies today) getaway scene in the history of film.

Well, it's a good one, but not a great-bad one.

Out On A Limb (1992) Matthew Broderick

This simply wasn't an actual "bad" movie.  In fact it was sort of fun, unlike movies in theaters today, which are designed to beat the living hell out of you while you sit in the theater being "entertained."  Please, don't "entertain" me.

This was a pleasant watch and I recommend it for anyone who's recently been released from a mental hospital and has been ordered by a doctor to avoid modern entertainment.  (I'm certain this is actually more common than you'd think).

Any clinical psychologists out there that can weigh in on this or provide links to academic studies are welcome.  We're also fielding responses from construction workers, appliance repairmen and uncoordinated acrobats.  You can always tell them by the their flattened features.

Burglar (1987) Whoopi Goldberg

She's a burglar. He's a poodle groomer. Who in their right mind wouldn't invest one hundred "thou" or so into an idea like that? This is what I call Premise Gold.

Unfortunately, the movie couldn't live up to the hysterical promise of it's premise.

Had we seen the alternative poster for this movie, we'd have had a better idea of what we were getting into.








Everything on the left says fun.  Everything on the right says, "Check me out, I'm tough, and cool.

 Tough guy Whoopi, cooler than shit with the flip up shades.  It's a role she hasn't played since.

One trend we see in our movie theater dumpster diving is overt imitation. This movie does everything it can to be Eddie Murphy's box office smash, Beverly Hills Cop (1984), except entertain with comedy, action, amusing characters, etc.

In a town called "Bad Movies," this is the other side of the tracks.  This is the part of town you wanna avoid.  Where movies hang out in the shadows, waiting for station wagons to mistakenly venture into before they jump out and bore you into a stupor.

Heres' a clip from the movie featuring the only laugh in the movie. It's an unintentional Leslie Nielsen type of getaway on a motorcycle. Hair raising.

Munchie (1992)

This is probably the best movie I've ever seen.

Time stands still when you watch something like this, which Spanky Eisenhower and I did. It's like doing some kinda drug that numbs every corner of your metaphysical mental space invader.

"Munchie just moved in... there goes the neighborhood." Somewhere out there in this great asphalt wilderness there's a hard core gangster that has that tattooed across his back to the shock of his hard core gangster friends. I'd pay $10 to watch him try to convince them to watch Munchie.

That's a good skit for a sketch comedy team.

"C'mon, I'll even bake some cookies, and it'll be fun. We can have a sleep over! Look at my PJ's!" Killer Jim says to the set of gangster criminals.

"You trippin'" one says to Jim pulling a gun out and pressing it to his temple. Like David Banner transforms into the Hulk so does Jim into some kinda gangster monster, turning quickly to take a bite out of the steel gun like it was spongecake.

With the devil in all three of his eyes (one popped out of his cheek when he got mad) he tells the gangster set, "We're gonna watch Munchie. It's about a gremlin who likes pizza and helps the boy have a party."

"No doubt. Munchie. Cookies, cake... sounds like fun Jim."

Watch this trailer and tell me it isn't the best minute of your life.